WHERE THE MIND GOES WHEN LEFT ALONE
A personal investigation into the pressure of being and the forms it takes.
THE MIND
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was young. Before that, I just knew that sometimes my feelings were hard even for me to explain. I went through tests, doctors, prescriptions, and for a while expected someone else to make sense of it. But I never really found my path.
So I started searching on my own. I read psychology and philosophy, Buddhism, Daoism, and other ways of thinking that seemed less about fixing and more about understanding. With time, I learned to give some structure to feelings that once felt impossible to tame.
But there were always moments when thought was not enough. When something remained in the body after the mind had done all that it could. That is where my inspiration begins. Photography became another kind of thinking, a way to give shape to what I could not put into words.
This project started from there. And while it began with my own search, I hope it can reach beyond that. There are many ways to feel lost inside yourself, and words sometimes are not enough. If any of that feels familiar, then maybe you will recognise something of yourself here too.
Silence is not neutral.
It presses inside.
This project developed through a period of quiet that felt heavier than expected.
External noise disappeared.
Internal wandering intensified.
Without distraction,
the mind is confronted with its own processes
in their raw form.
Some of what appeared was not tolerable.
When there is no external structure to follow,
the interior becomes louder.
Clarity does not always bring relief.
Reactions begin to form in response to that pressure...
some of them are protective, some artificial, some strange...
The chapters of this project are built from these moments.
THE STRUCTURE
I - Birthday
Birth marks the moment consciousness is forced into the world.
Existence is not celebrated, it's endured.
II - The Elixir
When the weight of being alive becomes inevitable,
hedonism becomes the solution.
III - Instant Gratification
Pleasure is no longer explored. It is chased, until it becomes reckless.
IV - Beyond Appetite
Desire exceeds need. Binging continues beyond satisfaction.
V - The Dicktator
Control emerges in response to vulnerability and instability.
The mind tries to impose order.
VI - The Mirror Stage
Primitive exploration of the world becomes destructive.
Contact with the external world weakens.
Self-observation begins.
VII - Paradox Grid
The mind becomes aware of its contradictions.
A stable configuration is not achieved.
VIII - Raw Contact
The body returns to instinct and meets reality directly.
IX - Aesthetic Conversion
Raw contact reveals reality as rough and indifferent.
Beauty creates a more bearable reality.
X - The Second Skin
Beauty fails to protect.
The body needs a second skin.
XI - Risk as Seduction
The armoured body discovers the power of seduction.
XII - The Stationary Engine
The system keeps running without
producing meaningful change.
XIII - Gerascophobia
The second skin can not protect the body from time.
XIV - The End of Resonance
The mind calls for response. Nothing answers.
APPENDIX
What remains in the body
(Latent States)
I - Interior Weight
Pressure gathering before it takes form.
II - Somatic Inscription
The body records what memory forgets.
III - Attempts at Repair
Gestures meant to soften or cover what was injured.
Defence Mechanisms
I - Armoured Skin
The body turning into protection when contact becomes difficult.
II - Sealed Armour
The surface fully closed. Protection replaces exposure.
THE BODY
The body appears throughout the project as a surface where pressure becomes visible.
Posture, tension and small gestures reveal how a person tries to hold themselves together.
in this way the body becomes the silent witness to the mind.
All the images in this project were photographed in real time. Nothing was generated or artificially produced.
The body in the images is my own.
The artwork includes representations of the human body in its plain state, used as a structural and symbolic element within the concept.
THE PLACES
Many of the photographs were taken in abandoned spaces.
I was drawn to these places because they carry traces of time and pressure.
Cracked walls and stained surfaces remain after the life has gone.
Being inside these places felt peaceful.
They hold silence the same way the mind does.
The ruins are not neutral settings. They belong to what was left of the Soviet world I was born into, abandoned institutions, obsolete interiors and structures left to decay. I come back to observe the system which had impact on shaping me.
THE INSTITUTE OF PLANTS
Founded in 1969 as the Union Scientific Research Institute for Biological Methods of Plant Protection. The institute was created to develop alternatives to chemical pesticides and reduce their excessive use in agriculture. Its research focused on biological control of
crop pests and plant diseases. Its research covered work with beneficial insects, microorganisms, and ecological approaches. Over the following decades, its goal expanded toward ecological agriculture. The former institute complex on Dacia Boulevard now stands largely in disrepair, still showing traces of its Soviet scientific past.
This former institute was the location for two sets: The Elixir and The Dicktator.
THE ASTRONOMICAL OBSERVATORY
Built during the final years of the Soviet period and opened in 1990, the Chișinău Astronomical Observatory was designed as an educational and scientific facility for the study of astronomy. The structure is defined by its cylindrical tower and rotating metal-framed cupola. Beneath the dome stood an AT-400 reflector on a central pedestal, with a circular track that allowed the cupola to rotate and follow the telescope’s line of sight.
After the observatory stoped operating, the building was left unused and gradually fell into disrepair. Much of the cupola’s exterior is now gone, leaving its ribs and mechanisms visible.
The Second Skin and part of Sealed Armour were photographed at this observatory.
THE NATIONAL PHILHARMONIC
The National Philharmonic started as a theatre-circus, opened in 1913, and was later adapted for cinema and drama. In 1960, the building was reconstructed as the Philharmonic, with a new monumental facade and redesigned interior. In September 2020, a major fire destroyed the main halls and roof, leaving the building in ruins.
The End of Resonance was photographed here.
COSMOS
Built between 1974 and 1983, Hotel Cosmos is an example of late Soviet modernist architecture and became the largest hotel in Moldova at the time. Its monumental use of concrete, strict geometry, and repetitive facade give it a strong resemblance to brutalist architecture. Constructed in concrete and prefabricated elements, the building is defined by its high tower and repetitive grid of windows and balconies. Its lower levels originally had the lobby, restaurant, and public spaces, while at the top there was a panoramic cafe. The large Cosmos sign and space-inspired emblem remain among the building’s most recognisable features.
The Mirror set was photographed here, along with several photographs from the Armoured Skin set.
AGO DACIA
Founded in 1990, Ago Dacia worked in construction and industrial production, with workshops for carpentry and metalwork, plus warehouses and auxiliary industrial spaces.
The old machinery and tools remain in place and work still continues there today.
Risk as Seduction was photographed here.
THE NATIONAL ART MUSEUM
Founded in 1939, the National Art Museum of Moldova occupies several buildings in central Chisinau. Its main building was constructed in 1901 by architect Alexandru Bernardazzi as
a girls gymnasium. The architecture is eclectic, with Florentine Gothic influences. The building later housed Soviet institutions, including the Central Committee of the Communist Party, before being transferred to the museum in 1989. After earthquake damage in 1990, it underwent extensive restoration, with restored sections reopening in 2016 and 2021. Unlike the other locations used for this project, this building was not abandoned or left in ruins, and remains fully operational. Its distinctive architecture, unique in Moldova, inspired me. Part of Sealed Armour was photographed here.
THE GARAGE
In 2015, I transformed my garage into a small private studio, built around strong visual contrasts. The black and white floor and walls, together with a mural create an unsettling atmosphere. Over time, it became both a working studio and an experimental environment, where i build my collages from photographic prints.
The studio was the location for shooting Aesthetic Conversion, the entire What remains in the body department, and part of Skin Armour.
This is where the investigation begins...